By the time a couple comes to us for help, they have often reached the lowest point in their relationship. The situation may feel so bleak that it is hard to imagine anything beyond the layers of resentment and contempt. At these darkest hours, it may be helpful to remember that it wasn’t always this way. At one point in time, you saw something in your partner that was special–so special that you decided to devote a large portion of your time and life to being with him or her.

In sessions I often ask, what was it about your partner that drew you to him/her? This question cuts to the root of a partner’s shared connection. Maybe it was his laugh, her intellect, or the fact that you have a shared love of traveling. Whatever the reason, something brough and kept you together. Remembering and honoring these attributes about your partner can help to re-establish and cultivate a sense of mutual respect and admiration.

Couples come to counseling because they believe that their relationship is worth fighting to keep. Taking a strength-based approach does not mean neglecting to address the concerns at hand, it means utilizing areas of strength to fuel the fight. Your strengths and your values can serve as a flashlight on your journey towards recovery, guiding you back to the path you deviated from.

To learn more about using your strengths to repair your relationship, schedule a couples counseling session with one of our licensed counselors here.

Written by Joanna Aslanian