July 3, 2019admin

Polyamory and Open Relationships

Some couples prefer a traditional monogamous relationship, while others may seek out alternative options that deviate from the path of a culturally-defined “ mainstream” lifestyle. Any of these consensual relationship arrangements can be healthy, and they can also go awry.

As with any relationship, open communication, clear expectations, and firm boundaries are key elements to successful non-monogamous pairings. Just because the relationship is nontraditional does not mean that it is without limits; couples should set guidelines and periodically revisit these throughout their relationship. These guidelines vary widely for each couple; for instance, one couple may only feel comfortable with their partner sleeping with a member of a specific gender, while another may require a detailed account of all interactions.

Some couples may begin their relationship with an understanding that it is open or polyamorous, while others may choose this path down the line as their values and desires shift with age. If you are considering opening your relationship or are currently engaged in non-monogamy, a key aspect to consider is whether you are capable of experiencing compersion. Compersion is a term that means one derives pleasure or joy from the knowledge that their partner is receiving love or pleasure from another individual. Understanding this about yourself can assist in deciding whether or not it would be good fit to enter or sustain a polyamorous or open lifestyle.

To learn more about maintaining a healthy relationship, reach out to one of our licensed couples counselor by clicking below:

Written by Joanna Aslanian, LPC, ATR-P

May 21, 2019admin

Creating and Maintaining Emotional Intimacy

Couples who come through our office often cite communication challenges and a lack of physical intimacy as main areas of concern. An important third element in the relationship equation is the concept of emotional intimacy. Being able to communicate effectively and productively is a must, but it does not necessarily equate to emotional intimacy.

So what exactly is emotional intimacy? One could argue that a definition of this abstract feeling is highly subjective–but for the purpose of this blog, I will establish two main components:

An interest and in-depth understanding of each others’ internal worlds. Effective communication is essential, but if it is only being used to discuss superficial aspects of your lives together, it will not do much to bring you closer together on an emotional level. Asking questions and exploring one another’s passions, dreams, fears, and future aspirations are examples of topics that will lead to connection on a deeper emotional level.
Being vulnerable. Vulnerability precedes intimacy because it opens a pathway to your inner world that only a select few individuals are allowed to access. By making yourself vulnerable, you are creating the opportunity for yourself to be fully known and accepted–and inviting your partner to do the same.

Both effective communication and physical closeness can exist without emotional intimacy (but rarely do!) Without it a relationship loses its foundational strength. If you and your partner need assistance to locate or re-establish your ability to be fully present with one another, contact one of our couples counselors by clicking below:

Written by Joanna Aslanian, LPC, ATR-P

April 18, 2019admin

When There’s Problems in the Bedroom

Sex is an undeniably important aspect of any romantic relationship. Alongside emotional intimacy, it is one of the hallmark differences between a friendship and a romantic partnership. Thus, it is understandably distressing if your once passion-laden romps in the bedroom begin to feel stale, stagnant, or cease altogether.

While there can sometimes be medical factors contributing to libidinal changes (and it is always a good idea to rule this out), sexual disconnect often arises from emotional and intellectual “blocks,” both within and outside of the relationship. Some common contributing factors include: performance anxiety, body image concerns, lack of emotional/intellectual intimacy, traumatic experiences, feelings of doubt or insecurity, boredom, or resentment.

Although it may be an uncomfortable topic to address, communication surrounding intimacy is the key component in fostering a mutually satisfying sexual relationship. After all, neither of you are mind-readers! Couples counseling can serve as a safe space to begin this dialogue with your partner.

To begin the process of addressing your intimacy concerns, schedule a couples counseling appointment with one of our licensed counselors below:

Written by Joanna Aslanian, LPC, ATR-P

February 10, 2015admin No Comments

4 ways to put a spark back in your relationship this Valentines Day

Do you remember what it felt like when you first fell in love with your partner? You couldn’t sleep, you couldn’t eat and all you could do was think about them? Chances are you don’t feel that way anymore. Sure your love has grown deeper and more secure, but there isn’t that excitement like you felt in the beginning.

Well, I have good news for you! That rush in the beginning stages is caused by hormones and neurotransmitters firing in your brain. They are responding to the excitement of something new, different and novel. So, to put spark those feelings again. we can fake it by doing exciting, new, and novel things with our partners. Here are just a few ideas to help you put that spark back into your relationship: